Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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