I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize