we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
