you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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