Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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