you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
