i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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