Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
