Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
