Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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