yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize