someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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