Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
