You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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