roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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