OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
