i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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