listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
