I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize