I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
