in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
nutella sex= disaster
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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