Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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