how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
