Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
