god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
