Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
