when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
