My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
