i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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