the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
