My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
