but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
