when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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