dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
