3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
