If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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