2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
