I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
