I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
