May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i out mim tonsoeep
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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