Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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