STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
