I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
