i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
