Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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