i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I could make wine with my vomit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
where are my eyebrows?
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