I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
