That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
