Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
