i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize