YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
