Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
