Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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