Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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