He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize