so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
