It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
