I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
