I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
