I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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