i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
