There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
