weddingsv make me drug and hornr
its not stalking. its research.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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