Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
