So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
