I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
