smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
