There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
