I have demons in me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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