Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
