I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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