You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
