she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
