I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize