can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
