I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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