I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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