i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
