Screwed.edu
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
