So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize