True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
